People come to counseling because they are unhappy.
Something is not going well in their lives or in the lives of people around
them. It may involve circumstances at home, work, school, or a combination
of all three. Their attempts to fix or improve the problem have failed, but
they also believe that something has to change – things cannot go on the way
they are. They need an outside, objective person to help them clearly identify
the core issues involved, and to identify and help them accomplish the changes necessary
to resolve the situation.
So what’s not to like about counseling? Why would people
hesitate to seek relief from mental and emotional confusion or pain? What prevents
people from making a simple phone call to inquire about counseling services, or
to come in to talk about what’s going on in their lives? The fact is that the
field of “counseling” has been burdened with stigmas that are based on
inaccurate information and distorted perceptions of therapy, its goals, and its
potential.
Let’s look at several common objections or misunderstandings
related to counseling.
Counseling is for
weaklings and losers – I should be able to fix my problems myself, and
certainly not go to people I don’t even know for help. As social creatures,
we are not designed to “go it alone”; no individual has all of the mental,
emotional, and spiritual resources needed to meet every life challenge.
Counselors are trained and skilled to develop healing relationships with people
from a wide variety of backgrounds.
Counseling is for
crazies, nuts, and freaks – people who need counseling are “mentally ill”
and belong in an institution —the further away from society, the better. Most
people in counseling do not exhibit “extreme” or “strange” behavior; they come
to counseling from many walks in life, and normally continue with their
everyday lives and activities while engaging in counseling sessions.
I just need a
little more time to figure this thing out – somehow, it will get better,
even though I don’t know how. This is a popular definition of insanity:
“Doing things the same way while expecting a different result.” It’s a form a
denial, and only prolongs a person’s unhappiness.
A counselor is just
a “paid friend” – it’s not really a relationship with someone who truly
cares about you. A counselor is trained and motivated to display warmth,
love, empathy, genuineness, and respect – it’s the only way that counseling can
have a real and lasting effect.
I (or he or she)
can’t change – some people are too far gone to be helped. Human beings
are adaptable, and can actually change in a variety of ways at any stage or age
in life.
My problems are
unique – no one could possibly understand what I’m going through, so how
could anyone help me? It is true that each person’s life story is different,
but counselors are able to exercise empathy to perceive and validate your
thoughts and feelings, joining with you at the point of your pain.
Counseling will
make me look like a fool – it’s all about making me cry and talking about
“how I feel” about everything. The goal of counseling is healing, not
displays of emotion. Some people are more comfortable talking about feelings
than others; counselors enter into your journey at your level of communication
and experience.
Counseling is
invasive and intrusive – I’ll be forced to talk about private things that
are nobody’s business. Professional counselors do not force you to do
anything you are not ready or willing to do. Counseling is a collaboration – a
team effort – between therapist and clients.
Counseling is an
old-fashioned practice – lying on a couch, talking to a doctor (“shrink”)
who is stroking his beard, smoking a pipe, and telling me all the things that
are wrong with me. We have couches, but they are for sitting on. Our
counselors are not doctors; they have Masters Degrees in Professional
Counseling, Marriage and Family Therapy, and Clinical Social Work. We do not
follow a “medical model,” dispensing advice in a one-sided conversation;
rather, we help clients see their situations clearly and consider their
reasonable options so that they can come to their own conclusions.
Counseling is like
talking to a mirror – the counselor will just repeat back everything I say.
Counselors do not repeat back what clients say in a rote fashion; rather, they
work hard to “think your thoughts and feel your feelings,” reflecting back what
they hear in a way that makes clients feel deeply understood.
A counselor will
make me do things I’m not comfortable with – like talking to an empty chair
while pretending someone is sitting in it, or using silly finger puppets.
There are hundreds of therapies and counseling techniques, but professional
counselors will not introduce any type of therapeutic method without receiving
your permission.
My
friend/relative/family member/co-workers told me that counseling is worthless (and
maybe even dangerous!) – I’ve heard that people can even get worse instead
of better. Research has proven that counseling is effective for a wide
variety of life problems. During the process of counseling a person may “feel”
worse temporarily while facing difficult issues, but the end result will be
positive.
A counselor might
call a psychiatric hospital and have me committed – as soon as I say the
wrong thing, I’ll be carted away in a straightjacket. If you make
statements that lead your counselor to believe that you are a threat to
yourself or others, the counselor will take time to carefully evaluate and
clarify the seriousness of your mental condition prior to taking any action.
This is an exceedingly rare event.
A counselor will
label me with some type of “mental illness” that will stay with me for the rest
of my life – it will affect my ability to get the schooling or job I want
in the future. If you choose to pay for counseling with insurance, the
insurance company will require a formal mental health diagnosis code.
Otherwise, any diagnostic information remains in your private record and will
only be released with your permission.
Counseling shows a
lack of faith in God – if I just believed God’s Word and praised the Lord
more my troubles would quickly disappear. “All truth is God’s truth.” This
means that any insights the mental health profession has learned about how we
think, feel, and behave are insights into how God has created us. Consequently,
any legitimate counseling techniques that alleviate a person’s discomfort and
distress can be seen as expressions of the grace of God.
Counseling will
bankrupt me – I can’t possibly afford to pay someone for several sessions
of therapy. Insurance coverage normally pays for a at least a limited amount
of counseling sessions. For those who have used up their coverage, or who do
not have insurance to cover counseling costs, counselors often have sliding
scale rates that make counseling affordable. Fountain Gate is a 501(c)(3)
nonprofit organization that offers counseling exclusively on a siding scale
basis.
Many people begin to feel better as soon as they call to
inquire about counseling services. It’s a concrete action that can give a
person a sense of hope. We encourage you to “try out” the counseling process
for a few sessions to see what it’s like—there’s no obligation to continue if you
feel it’s not helping you. At Fountain Gate we have provided counseling
services to nearly 2000 people in the past 5 years, and we would be honored to
join with you in your path to healing and wholeness.
