George looked out the front window of his home, noticing
with alarm the funnel cloud moving in slow motion toward his neighborhood. He heard the tornado sirens go off and quickly
ushered his wife, his three small children, and the family dog into the
basement just as the winds hit. In less
than 60 seconds the neighborhood that he had lived in for much of his life was
decimated. George and his family and
their neighbors were alive, but their formerly stable, secure, kind of “ho-hum”
existence was instantly transformed into a nightmare of homelessness and
uncertainty. They would need a great
deal of grace in the days ahead.
Mary could
not wait for the big wedding day coming up in a few short weeks. She and Rick had met in college, courted for
a year and a half, saved their money, and excitedly planned for this day to
come. Everything would be perfect; her
dress, the music, the food, the presence of her friends and family, and then
the honeymoon! She and Rick were as
prepared as they felt they could be. But
transitions always bring some surprises. What would they be? Going from singleness to a twosome is a
transition. Whether easy or hard, they
would need grace in the days ahead.
Helen went
in to work as usual this Friday morning.
She had been working as an administrative assistant in this company for
18 years. She was hoping to be able to
work until she reached the age of 68; this would enhance her retirement
portfolio and give her a better feeling of security after the death of her
husband two years ago. On her desk was
an envelope. She opened it to find a
pink slip. What a way to announce the
downsizing! Her world suddenly caved in
and she unexpectedly was in the midst of a transition. She would need a good deal of grace in the
days ahead.
Stability,
according to Webster’s Dictionary, is the quality or state of being firmly
established. It is predictable,
constant, and unchanging; helping us to feel secure and safe. We all desire stability in our lives and work
hard to keep it when we have it.
Death of a
loved one, a diagnosis of cancer, a car accident; these can all be
destabilizing events. Transition has to do with the passage or movement from
one state, subject or place to another. Having
to go through transition upsets our equilibrium; our security and safety are
challenged!
Every
person on the planet goes through one or more transitions at various times in
life and sometimes more than one transition at a time! How we manage the upset of our stability and
equilibrium, and how we work to find our way back to some sense of firm ground and
“normality” takes time and patience. What
do we need in the moments, hours, days and weeks when something is ending, and
something else beginning, whether welcome or not?
Grace,
according to Webster’s, is “a virtue coming from God.” There is a sense of mercy such that, ”even in
this time of turmoil, I will be here to support you.” Feeling alone in our suffering seems to multiply
our pain, our anxiety and our grief. So
one of the first resources we need are supportive
people around us to listen to us and to offer practical help. Many, many people come to counseling during a
time of transition, or when the instability becomes overwhelming, and they need
a supportive listener on the journey.
Allowing
ourselves to grieve any loss or
sense of loss is an important part of transition. When something devastating happens to us, it
is normal to feel sadness and to cry.
Tears have a cleansing effect on our physiology. Did you know that when you cry, you are
actually releasing the stress hormone, cortisol, from your body? Transitions
are naturally a more stressful time in life.
Allow yourself to experience, on an emotional level, whatever you need
to experience to help you through the transition period.
We need to
give ourselves time to process the
transition. Often in the midst of a transition there is a struggle to let go of
the former; a struggle to accept what is new and different, and a period of
adjustment as we explore what the unknown future or the “new normal” that is
going to begin. Depending on the loss we
can be sad or anxious; feel like we are in the dark and/or resistive. All this re-adjusting takes some time and
grace, both with others and with ourselves.
At some
point in the process of our transition we may “get stuck” in the process and
not know how to move forward. This calls
for a period of discernment. Discernment is the ability to listen to our
deepest longings as well as the outer events that might point us into a new
direction. It is a time to gather
information, consider options, get advice and support, and then wait for
answers. This time of waiting can be difficult and support is helpful! This is also a time when many people come for
counseling, not to get advice necessarily, but to have an interested listener
as a sounding board to clarify and validate the discernment process.
Finally,
once a direction becomes clear we will need courage to risk a new action and make a new beginning. Once we make this decision to move forward
into something new we are almost through the transition! This new beginning has the potential to give
us new meaning and contribute in a new way to our identity. How well it flourishes and bears fruit in our
lives is another grace. And for that we
can be thankful.
